Sadness is easier because it's surrender

A quote from one of my favorite movies reads, "Sadness is easier because it's surrender." I would beg to differ. I am a social worker at a behavioral health clinic for kids ages 4-18, and I am working through several different "anger management" curriculums with a few of them. One thing that all of these curriculums touches on is that anger may be easier to feel than sadness. I always encourage my kiddos that even if anger feels better than sadness, it isn't always better in the long run. 

Like many things in my career as a counselor, this one comes back to bite me in the butt more often than I would like. I find myself angry about a lot of things, a lot of the time. This is something that I desperately need to work on. It doesn't feel healthy, and it doesn't feel good to my loved ones around me.  Here are a few examples:

I get angry because of stupid things my kiddos' parents do or don't do. Why did you encourage your son to smoke pot with you? When he's ten. Why didn't you recognize that you were an unfit parent when your daughter was feeding, dressing and getting herself on the bus by age 5? Why do you refuse to drive your son to the hospital after he tells me he almost killed himself the night before? 

In all of these, my anger motivates me to action. It makes me feel powerful, in control, and like superwoman. I put my super social worker pants on and make a difference. But really, at the root of this anger is sadness. My heart breaks for this world, that children these days have to face those challenges and some don't know the unconditional love of even one parent.

I get angry because I feel like the people put in the social services to help these children don't care as much as I do. Why would you allow unsupervised visits for a child whose father is suspected of sexual abuse? Why would you not help that family get a no-contact order? Why would you not remove the child from his home who shows up with bruises on his neck 3-4 times per week? 

Again, the anger I feel in this situation puts me on the offensive. Because if I feel what I actually feel, deep sadness, I start to feel hopeless, and unable to help. 


I get angry when people who claim the name of Jesus treat their brothers and sisters in Jesus like dirt. Why the heck did Jesus tell us that people would see Him in us because of how we love each other if all we do is talk about each other behind closed doors? Why do we act like complete fools who have never experienced His grace and have no grace to give others when we claim to know the truth? I'm speaking about myself here as well. 

These things make me angry, because anger is an "offensive emotion" as I tell my kiddos. I have been more deeply wounded by Christian women than any other humans in the world. And these are women who "know" the truth. I have watched friend after friend get wounded in Christian community. Why does this happen? It is much easier to feel an "offensive emotion" than a defensive emotion like depression or sadness, that is my true response to these happenings. 

I get angry when a college aged male looks at me the wrong way. I'm married! Can't you see my rings? Stay the hell away from me you drunken-good-for-nothing frat star. 

This too, is sadness. Sadness that so many men and women think that being on a college campus is all about finding who to sleep with that night after going to the bars. Sadness that I actually fear these men I get so angry with. Sadness that I can't just "be normal" and enjoy a night out with my husband and our friends without having these anxieties. 

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I have learned quite a few things from these experiences and from watching how harmful my anger in these situations can be. Because I know that anger can be "righteous emotions", like when Jesus turned tables in the temple. But as it says in James, "Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires." And I can feel that filth in my life from the effects of my anger. It feels like a disease that only continues to grow bitterness deep in my heart. 

Here's what I have learned:

I can still be a feisty social worker who is put to action when things are not right in the world without getting angry. 

Everyone who is reading this knows me. I'm a fiery redhead who usually doesn't take people's crap. Jesus has given me a gift of being an advocate for those without a voice, and to do it well and proclaim truth boldly (and sometimes loudly). This is a gift, given to me by Jesus. Satan likes to twist the gifts God gives us, and creates bitterness in my heart from these situations I deal with in my line of work. I am going to learn how to boldly advocate, feel the sadness, and give the rest to Jesus. 

Let me clarify on this "feel the sadness". I am going to let myself feel things, even if it's hard. Give it to Jesus, and WORSHIP, knowing that Jesus has given me incredible capacity for empathy of others. And also know that I am not alone in my yearning for the world to be made right again. It says in scripture that the very trees cry out for the world to know the Lord!

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

If I don't have hope that I can continue to love people in community when they don't love me or others well, then what good am I? Paul tells us in Corinthians that Love never stops trying! It doesn't say "to hell with community". It is always hopeful, and it endures. KEEP ON loving one another as brothers. We are all broken brothers and sisters in Jesus. Jesus didn't give up on us, we can't give up on one another. 

Perfect Love expels all fear. 

I just ended my 4 and a half years of high school ministry (it was a blast).  Now I am going to embark on a new journey of entering college ministry. I'm not really sure what this is going to look like yet. But one thing is for certain, even if I'm not going to be directly ministering to them, college aged males exist. And this is now part of my direct ministry field. (Why I didn't see it this way before, no clue). Yes, I have had bad experiences with college aged males in the past. No, I will let that stop me from showing them the light and love of Jesus. Whether this is a guy who tries to talk to me while closing my tab at Jackie O's, or a guy who is throwing a frisbee on my street, I am the walking light and love of Jesus inside me to them.

True healing comes from Jesus alone

I can't expect any other source to heal me from these wounds and bitterness. No other Refuge have I but thee, Jesus. Get rid of this anger and filth inside of me, let me trust in your perfect love. And proceed. 

My favorite part of the second half of the quote I mentioned at the beginning, is "Sadness is easier because it's surrender. Make time to dance alone with one hand waving free." And even if I've just disproved the first, everyone needs more of the second.  Peace out girl scouts.